The blinding pursuit of numbers

I have become comfortable, and lost sight of what I have come to love about my country. Our mountains, our waterfalls, our valleys, our forests, all of our natural land... the harmony which is created by the wonders of God and is imparted upon us. Things I readily understand and am tightly bound to. I have always felt the mountains were where I could truly call home. Where I felt like I could observe the creations of God, and worship these creations.

However I have ashamedly fallen to the blunder of chasing numbers. I have lost sight of what compels me, internally, driven by God and my own love and appreciation for the natural Earth. These things have been cast aside and taken place by the next grade, the next highest peak, the next increment in difficulty. I have averted my attention to the next identifiable striation in the leg muscles which ascend me to the top. I have focused my goals on climbing the next grade of difficulty.

These things have aided in me losing sight of who I truly am, and I question the source of these new motivations. It seems so unnatural to move through God's creation simply for the sake of touting an achievement. What I seem to have lost sight of is that the simple exploration and sight of something not yet seen is THE reason for my being. Anyone with the right gear and training can move up the most difficult of mountains in the most difficult of seasons. But it takes a special someone to be able to move through the simplest of terrain and be able to find and recognize true love. Love that is capable of bringing tears to my eyes by the simple invocation of seeing a simple beauty for the first time. To be able to see something as a pure creation of God, placed there for my appreciation and even worship, is something that should not be lost sight of.

It is so simple to segregate yourself from nature. To believe that humans and nature are two separate entities is in my opinion disingenuous to the understanding of your own soul. Humans are a part of nature - created by nature - and there is no easy way to separate the two without an arrogant assumption akin to humans ruling nature. I wish to experience the natural world and feel connected to it - as if I am truly a part of it. I have torn my body apart to get to the next level, and have forgotten - or rather, had a momentary lapse - one of the reasons I exist.

Imagine Peace Tower - In memory of John Lennon

From WikiPedia:

The Imagine Peace Tower (Icelandic: Friðarsúlan, meaning "the peace column") is a memorial to John Lennon from his widow, Yoko Ono, located on Viðey Island in Kollafjörður Bay near Reykjavík, Iceland. It consists of a tall "tower of light", projected from a white stone monument that has the words "Imagine Peace" carved into it in 24 languages. These words, and the name of the tower, are a reference to Lennon's peace anthem, Imagine. The Tower consists of 15 searchlights with prisms that act as mirrors, reflecting the column of light vertically into the sky from a 10-metre wide wishing well. It often reaches cloudbase and indeed can be seen penetrating the cloud cover. On a clear night it appears to reach an altitude of at least 4000m. The power for the lights is provided by Iceland's unique geo-thermal energy grid. It uses approximately 75 kW of power.

Buried underneath the light tower are upward of 500,000 written wishes that Ono gathered over the years in another project, called "Wish Trees". Ono plans to have the tower lit every year from 9 October, Lennon's birthday, through 8 December, the date he was shot. Iceland was selected for the project because of its beauty and its eco-friendly use of geothermal energy.

Construction of the tower started on 9 October, 2006 when Ono dedicated the location, and it was officially unveiled on the same date in 2007. In attendance with Ono were son Sean Lennon, bandmate Ringo Starr, and Olivia Harrison, widow of George Harrison, and Olivia's son Dhani Harrison. Paul McCartney was invited, but could not attend due to a court case. Yoko Ono said on the day of the inauguration that the tower was the best thing that she and John had ever done.

The ceremony was broadcast internationally to numerous television networks.

 

 

 

 

Making it rain.

This popped into my head and I wanted to write it down while it was vividly in my mind. The easiest was chatting up a friend from TeamXbox.

9:25:10 PM) me: When I was in the navy...
(9:25:11 PM) prsnlJesus1036 : brb
(9:25:14 PM) me: you ready?
(9:25:35 PM) prsnlJesus1036: yeah
(9:26:01 PM) me: I was in boot camp. Division 459.
(9:26:19 PM) me: We had 15 minute lunches from the time we entered the mess hall until we were standing up to exit the mess hall.
(9:27:20 PM) me: So that included waiting in line, eating, and taking your things up after. And there is strictly no talking. Zero tolerance policy. So after lunch we were standing in formation and being thanked and congratulated by the division commanders for doing such a good job in the mess hall.
(9:27:49 PM) prsnlJesus1036: right
(9:28:54 PM) me: When we were back in the barracks we were asked to put on our raincoats. And they were the trench coat type with wool liners. It was in august and we were all standing in front of our racks (bunkbeds) at attention and then one of the division commanders went on about someone talking in the mess hall.
(9:28:59 PM) me: We were like "oh fuck"
(9:30:30 PM) me: So they closed all the windows in the barracks, had us fill our canteens and drink them. Then they continued to beat (exercised) us for about 45 minutes. Between jumping jacks they would have us refill our canteens and down them. This was right after lunch so it was very laborious. The condensation from the 90 active bodies in the middle of summer with no ventilation started to turn into rain.
(9:30:37 PM) me: This is what is referred to as "making it rain"
(9:31:24 PM) prsnlJesus1036: Thats nuts
(9:31:53 PM) me: So the purpose of guzzling water was to get one of us to vomit. And it finally happened. One person vomited and a chain reaction commenced. There were 90 men vomiting in an enclosed space and basically being sweated on at the same time. It was the most disgusting thing I have ever been subjected to.
(9:32:16 PM) me: But it instilled such a sense of power, which was so odd. There was a relationship of respect formed.
(9:32:38 PM) me: Ad to be honest, it was part of a branding process.
(9:32:56 PM) me: So basically I was just thinking that and thought I should write it down before I forgot it
(9:35:43 PM) prsnlJesus1036: That's intense man

Setting sun

Our sun will inevitably set
Importance in affection
Ideal in effect
For the people whom you shone upon
Feeling a lasting affect

The last particle of light
Fading over the horizon
Signifying eternal darkness
As abiding as the people you touched

The pursuit of life

I want to feel alive. I want to feel beauty in my heart. I want to feel connected. I want my existence to transcend the people I touch. I want my love for everything to blossom such as a hibiscus flower blossoms during a cool morning's sunrise. Most importantly, I want to be SUCCESSFUL.

Society has done a good job of inhibiting our emotions and instincts by teaching us how to be successful. Success in a socialized aspect is defined as working your life to accumulate wealth and and a family - at any cost. We aren't taught how to experience life the way God intended. Wealth, gathering of materials, who you know, how much of that matters when you die? We all die, and likely we all die alone. This is a fact that most people simply cannot understand. You will die, uncontrollably. Most people don't understand how drastically different their life and philosophies may be 40 years down the road. I can't think of many that would ever admit to wanting to look back on their life and wonder where it all went, and what it was all worth.

We all start out living our lives as if we are eternal beings. We have no expiration date. Then we grow into a sense that we at some point die, maybe at 70, 80, 90, whatever. What is often refused to be accepted is that our life can be extinguished at any point. You may be able to agree with that, but it is unlikely that you live that way. Of course you CAN die at any time, but you won't. You won't die until you are ready. That is what in my heart I at one time believed - even in the face of the realization and acceptance that I COULD die at some random time, even in the near future.

I don't plan on dying, nor do I intend to die anytime in the near future, but I realize that I will die, and I have absolutely no idea when it is going to happen. The point is, I don't want to die and have had my life exist in vain. I don't want to die where my only mark left on the world is how much wealth and items were to be distributed to my successors and how many false relationships I have accumulated in the name of vanity. I also don't want to live my life achieving something society has defined as success, to only look back twenty years and realize that my life has been relatively uneventful and pointless.

My drive is to live my life as I deem successful. Wealth and social status is superficial, and will be forgotten as soon as I'm gone. What is important to me is who loved me, who I loved, and who will remember me for what reasons. It is our humanistic obligation to live our life to the fullest according to our love and passion. There is a sharp disconnect in what the human soul needs to be happy and what socialization has defined what it takes for every human to be happy. Unfortunately it isn't that simple. There is no one single path that equally makes every person happy. And with the way we are socialized we all start on the same path with the same goal in mind and for most of us it's too late by the time we realize that that isn't the path to happiness.

I think a lot of people live their entire life striving to reach a goal that has been fed to them by the media and they either reach that goal and realize that isn't what makes them happy, or they still feel empty because they missed out on life while attempting to pursue what they believed was going to make them happy. There is an equilibrium that can be reached, and that is something we aren't taught. We are left to our own devices to realize this.

To me success is just that, to be able to realize your full potential in the thing you have the most passion for. In fact, it is often considered to be one of the habits of highly successful people. People whom begin their journey doing something they love and are passionate about, and wealth happens to be a side-effect of this pursuit. At any rate, success is subjective and I no longer consider myself successful unless I am living my life doing the things that absolutely make me happy. I used to think living my life this way was irresponsible, but now, nearing 30, I am content with the fact that I have lived my life the way I have. I am not an empty shell striving to fulfill a destiny that has been laid out in a cookie-cutter fashion. I intend for my own reflection of my life when I am nearing death to be something that contains absolutely no regrets. I want to live, not necessarily every day, but every month as if I was going to die. I don't want to build false relationships, nor do I want to be involved with anyone with that intention. The only things I want from a relationship with another person is truth and forthrightness.